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Monthly Archives: April 2009

Every now and then you stumble onto something so amazing that you have to share it.  This computer case is so ridiculous that I had to give it respect.  This Russian guy made an entire customized computer case in the form of Pixar’s Wall-E. Made with solid metal, it took him 18 full days to complete.  Each individual piece was cut from metal sheets and then assembled.  On top of that he hand paints it to add more detail.  Flawless.

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You can see a ton of pictures at http://englishrussia.com/?p=2487

I am not only envious of how good this looks, but also at all the free time this guy has to build something this awesome.

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The weather this weekend was extremely delicious so I decided to play some basketball at the nearby park.  During the game, there was one kid (Ali),  who was constantly talking trash and basically being an all around jackass.  For this, I supported him with “mad props,” mostly because he was on my team.  Ali paraded around, and shouted obscenities in the face of the opposition.  Copious amounts of “you suck” and “get the fuck out” flowed from his mouth like smoothies from a long night of keystone light action.

Evidently one guy on the other team (Frazier) got fed up and muttered under his breath “I’m gonna knock this guy out if he keeps talking.”

Ali’s ears perked up.  He then proceeded to storm over and initiate the alpha-male chest pound to display his dominance.

“YOU GONNA KNOCK ME OUT?”

He followed up on his ritual by getting all up in Frazier’s grill.

“WHO YOU GONNA KNOCK OUT? YOU GONNA KNOCK ME THE FUCK OUT?  FUCKING KNOCK ME OUT THEN MOTHER FUCKER.”

He then flailed his arms around like an angry gorilla.  As Ali inched closer and closer, Frazier’s confidence was rapidly withering along with his nuts.  This spectacle continued to carry on until Frazier started to apologize with a meek “Sorry, I’m not knocking anyone out.” Only then did I notice that several children on the playground were crying.

I stepped back and marveled at this delightful turn of events.  Ali’s trash talk was so powerful that it forced Frazier to back down as well as cause kids in the surrounding area to cry as collateral damage.  Absolutely priceless.  My trance-like admiration was suddenly interrupted by a shrill and piercing screech from behind.

“You should be ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.  BE A ROLE MODEL. THERE ARE KIDS AROUND, HOW DARE YOU COME TO THE PARK WITH SUCH A DIRTY MOUTH.”

We all turned around and focused our attention on a small and frail, middle-aged woman with a face flushed red with anger holding a crying baby in her arms.  Surprisingly, Ali instantly backed down and sought penitence. 

“Sorry M’am, it won’t happen again,” Ali said in his best “good boy” voice.

I couldn’t believe it.  Godzilla was brought down to size and tamed by a mere middle-aged, suburban housewife.  Moral of the story?

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Don’t mess with suburban housewives.

Made popular by Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, battleshits is a smelly and grueling game where two people face off in opposing stalls in hopes of making their own “brand” stronger than their opponents’ through the sense of smell, sound, or both.  The claiming of victory involves the evacuation of the loser, leaving the winner basking in the ambiance.

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I, for one, am not a fan.  In this game there is no victory, only despair.

Call me neurotic or paranoid, but for the love of God, please do not come in the bathroom when I have already staked my claim.  It is damn near impossible for me to go two-sies when there is someone else next to me dropping the kids off at the pool.  I realize that it’s a mental issue, but that does not change my inability to pinch a loaf when someone else is within speaking distance.  It might be a subconcious problem where I find that adding my own flavor to the existing aroma that is floating around is not in anyone’s best interest.  Or it may could be because the bathroom is usually so quiet that every “plop” of your endeavor can be heard in great detail.  Grunting or coughing does not help the cause.  In addition, the off chance that both people meet outside the stall will rival the awkwardness level of getting caught with your pants down, rubbing one out in the kitchen.

The other day I decided my life was becoming drab; I was in desperate need of change.  The solution: buy some videogames.

While I was debating between getting Street Fighter IV, Call of Duty, and Resistance: fall of man, my friend spotted a game to behold.  I needed to look no further.  Based on its title alone, I was sold.  This game was FACEBREAKER.  There was no way I was turning down a game called Facebreaker.  Although I didn’t need any further convincing, the description on the back of game reinforced my decision.  A claim that this game could potentially “ruin friendships” guided me straight to the checkout counter.  But I digress.

I have read many reviews on IGN, Gamespot, Gamepro, and other various websites and blogs that comment on this game.  They have all given it poor ratings except for a select few who actually took the time to understand the concept; like this guy and this guy.  Underneath the comical exterior and simple controls lie an amazingly deep, strategic fighter.  I am outraged that those reviewers were so quick to hand out bad reviews based on shallow first impressions.

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Not only does Facebreaker have fun and exciting gameplay, but this game has tons of style.  It has an arcade-like feel with vicious battles between characters with unique personalities.  More than once while playing this game, I was in tears laughing while getting my ass beat at the same time.  On a scale of 1-10, I give it a rating of Absolutely Hilarious.

I’ve been playing basketball for years now and I’ve noticed a common trend that pertain mostly to Asian basketball players.  Here’s the scenerio:

The guy will come to play basketball with his girlfriend tagging along like an accessory.  Then without any introduction he will proceed to greet the guys and start.  The other guys will feel awkward around his girlfriend who has yet to speak, and abstain from any acknowledgment of her existence.  She will then continue to stand along the sidelines doing her best impression of Helen Keller.

Sound familiar?

Is it just me, or doesn’t anyone think that it’s dumb and pointless to bring your girlfriend to your basketball games?  If I had a girlfriend I wouldn’t bring her upstairs to my room and make her watch me play DOTA unless she wanted to.  Most of the time the girlfriend just stands/sits around looking bored and waiting for the game to end.  Now I may be out of my element, but chances are those girlfriends are not there because of their undying love for basketball.  Instead they are probably there because you asked them to go.  Personally I would feel guilty asking anyone to watch me do anything unless they could participate or had a genuine interest in it.

To each their own…

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It seems as though being more wired has somehow led us to become more disconnected.  The original intentions of “world flattening” technology were to facilitate communication and strengthen relationships.  Instead, it has just made society as a whole, a lot more lazy.

Instead of seeing or calling someone on their birthday, a text message is becoming a proper substitute.

Text messages suck.  They’re both insensitive and impersonal.  The only time it’s useful is when you are unable hold a conversation over the phone i.e. work, class, meeting, etc.  What makes no sense to me is that texting is highly inefficient.  It takes way more time to type up a sentence than it is to find a contact and press send.

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So why do people text?

People will say because it is more convenient.

How is typing in a sentence more convenient than pressing a button and talking?

Instead of engaging in a potentially awkward conversation, it is way more convenient to have the luxury of carefully crafting a well-thought out response.  Texting allows the socially inept to hide their cowardice behind their words.  The leap of faith in asking a girl out over the phone has been reduced to a pathetic skip.  I guess this makes rejection easier to swallow, but at the same time, your balls shrink to the size of sunflower seeds.  Go figure.

Somewhere along the lines the progression in technology has caused a regression in human relations.

I wouldn’t necessarily consider myself an anime dork, but I must admit I do dabble…quite a bit.  In any case, of all the series I have viewed, Hajime no Ippo is by far my favorite.  This particular anime is about boxing.

I used to think boxing was a sport where two knuckleheads enter a square ring and attempt to bludgeon each other into unconsciousness.  If you know nothing about boxing, you probably share a similar view.  Ippo opened my eyes to this elegant sport.  Instead of a match of brutality, boxing became a dance; positioned face to face, measuring distance, following a lead, and reacting to each movement with finesse.  I started to think of boxing as an art form.  The syncing of speed, timing, and balance had me in aw.  Throw in a couple of intangibles such as personal philosophy and will power, and boxing ends up being something much greater than a mere fight.  It becomes a test of perseverance.

I was so enlightened by the gracefulness of the “sweet science” that I decided to try it out for a year.  It earned me quite a few bloody noses.  Boxing was way more painful than I had imagined.  It allowed me really appreciate the training professional fighters had to endure for them to compete.

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*On a different note, the humor in this anime is absolutely killer.  I die laughing from their fillers as they are completely ridonkadonk.

5 minutes.

That is amount of time you get for each date.  Then you rotate one to your right and you meet the next victim.  The premise behind this event is to give you a chance to meet a lot of “randies” within a short amount of time.

Basically, the object of this “game” is to get the other person to remember your name before the time is up.  Therefore, first impressions are of utmost importance.  Becoming routine was a pitfall I tried to avoid.  The speed dating system inherently encourages routine behavior due to the nature of meeting someone new every 5 minutes.  Being one to never follow convention, I had brought up some weird topics and entered zones where I’m sure no other guys dared to venture.  I’m not gonna go into detail, but lets just say that I doubt any other guys brought up the topic of poop or video games.

Being comfortable enough to saying whatever what was on my mind was golden for me.  Some of it might’ve been weird, but all in all it allowed me freedom to try different approaches which was well received.  Secretly hoping to meet a crazy lady that lived with twelve cats, I was a tad disappointed when I didn’t meet as many quirky women as I hoped for.  The extent of weird women was a lady who didn’t understand sarcasm and another one who spent the entire time talking about her puppy.  Those were really the only awkward experiences.  In general, most the women were all trying too hard to make a good first impression which led to bland conversations.  Not all was lost however, there were a few gems.

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Emo blogs

Not only are they as boring as watching the TNT halftime show without Barkley, but they also scream out “I need attention because my life is so depressing and people need to feel my pain.” Fuck that.  Grow a pair and go talk to someone that cares.

Food blogs

Okay, I do not hate these as much as I hate drooling all over my desk.  In the name of all that is delicious, please do not send me any more links to food blogs because I am susceptible to passing out from desire.

“Rules to live by” blogs

  1. be nice to strangers
  2. never give up
  3. there is always a reason to smile everyday
  4. etc.

    Yawwwwn.  I don’t want to hear your obvious life lessons.  Following your rules is like having sex with a dead hooker.  Not only would I feel ashamed, but even after finishing, I would still be completely unsatisfied.

    Mundane daily activities blogs

    “So I woke up today at like 10:45 and i saw my sister sleeping so I got up and took a shower.  Then I brushed my teeth and made sure my hair was straightened and OMG I found one gray hair!!!  I was super upset and I just started to cry but then I realized I had to poop so I just did that instead.”

    Self-explanatory, no comment.

    Some people aspire to become successful doctors, lawyers, and/or engineers.  Others do whatever it takes to get rich. These goals are highly respectable in their own right and allows them to be highly valued members of society.

    Me?

    My aspirations include becoming a world class trash talker.

    Trash talking, shit talking, or jibber jabber (i made the last one up but it sounds fitting) is a highly underrated skill that evolves as we get older.  It takes on many forms; aggressive, passive, or even passive-aggressive.  Sometimes they are subtle, sometimes they are brash.  It can be tasteful as well as disgustingly vulgar.  It all depends on personal style and taste.  Whatever the case is, its ability to leave a person mentally distraught and broken cannot be denied.

    Traces of its origins can be found on the playground where a simple “scaredy cat” taunt can cause a kid to break down and cry.  As we grow older, our shit talking becomes more sophisticated, often insulting one’s family members as well as questioning their sexuality.

    Now trash talking may not improve society in any way and may very well cause one to question humanities integrity, but it does have its place in life.  I personally use it in basketball, dota, clubs, bars, and amongst friends.  These are only a few ideal places for trash talking to go down.  Trash talking provides one with a mental edge by causing an opponent to lose focus by injuring or damaging their psyche.  This intangible skill is often frowned upon due to its insensitivity and ignorance; however, if success is achieved, does the end not justify the means?

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    These are a few words of advice to trash talking that should be considered, lest you look the fool.

    1. Always be prepared to back it up.
    2. Targeting personal insecurities are the most effective.
    3. Do not trash talk anyone you don’t think you could take in a fight.
    4. The more creative the insult, the more devastating it is.
    5. The key is to stay calm no matter what happens because this exchange of insults can be considered a game in itself.  Losing your cool is like a red flag; declaring to your opponent that he has struck a nerve.
    6. If your opponent is ever able to leave you speechless, look them dead in the eye and respond with “well played.” This is a sign of respect, acknowledging a fellow trash talker and at the same time defusing the situation.