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The weather this weekend was extremely delicious so I decided to play some basketball at the nearby park.  During the game, there was one kid (Ali),  who was constantly talking trash and basically being an all around jackass.  For this, I supported him with “mad props,” mostly because he was on my team.  Ali paraded around, and shouted obscenities in the face of the opposition.  Copious amounts of “you suck” and “get the fuck out” flowed from his mouth like smoothies from a long night of keystone light action.

Evidently one guy on the other team (Frazier) got fed up and muttered under his breath “I’m gonna knock this guy out if he keeps talking.”

Ali’s ears perked up.  He then proceeded to storm over and initiate the alpha-male chest pound to display his dominance.

“YOU GONNA KNOCK ME OUT?”

He followed up on his ritual by getting all up in Frazier’s grill.

“WHO YOU GONNA KNOCK OUT? YOU GONNA KNOCK ME THE FUCK OUT?  FUCKING KNOCK ME OUT THEN MOTHER FUCKER.”

He then flailed his arms around like an angry gorilla.  As Ali inched closer and closer, Frazier’s confidence was rapidly withering along with his nuts.  This spectacle continued to carry on until Frazier started to apologize with a meek “Sorry, I’m not knocking anyone out.” Only then did I notice that several children on the playground were crying.

I stepped back and marveled at this delightful turn of events.  Ali’s trash talk was so powerful that it forced Frazier to back down as well as cause kids in the surrounding area to cry as collateral damage.  Absolutely priceless.  My trance-like admiration was suddenly interrupted by a shrill and piercing screech from behind.

“You should be ASHAMED OF YOURSELF.  BE A ROLE MODEL. THERE ARE KIDS AROUND, HOW DARE YOU COME TO THE PARK WITH SUCH A DIRTY MOUTH.”

We all turned around and focused our attention on a small and frail, middle-aged woman with a face flushed red with anger holding a crying baby in her arms.  Surprisingly, Ali instantly backed down and sought penitence. 

“Sorry M’am, it won’t happen again,” Ali said in his best “good boy” voice.

I couldn’t believe it.  Godzilla was brought down to size and tamed by a mere middle-aged, suburban housewife.  Moral of the story?

angry_woman_lead_narrowweb__300x3780

Don’t mess with suburban housewives.

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