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Monthly Archives: May 2009

It is inevitable at every party for people to engage in drunken chanting.  Drunken chanting is so unstoppable that it forces even the most resolute of individuals into submission.

How is drunken chanting different than regular chanting?

Well folks, drunken chanting is always done with passion.  Yes it may be a little sloppy, but I can guarantee it will be passionate.  If there is anything a drunken mob can excel at, it’s chant their hearts out.

The drunken chant typically begins with peer pressure on one party member to do something against their own wishes.  When they abstain, that is when the chanting begins.  It starts with a one person and works its way around the party like Gonorrhea at Texas Tech.  Eventually it will crescendo and build up speed until it becomes a deafening roar of inebriated thunder.  The targeted individual will have no choice but to bend to the whim of the belligerent horde or leave the party in shame.

The chanting will not stop despite the desperate protest of the victim.  The only chance of survival is to defer the attention onto someone else by starting a new chant, for the horde is fickle.  Also drunk.

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An unfortunate victim of drunken chanting.

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The devastating aftermath.

slut n.

  • a dirty, slovenly woman.
  • an immoral or dissolute woman; prostitute.
  • a person, especially a woman, considered sexually promiscuous.

Since when did promiscuity become associated with immorality?  Morality has no bearing when it comes to sexual relations.  In short, there is nothing right or wrong with sex.  If everyone were open with their sexuality, it would eliminate one less elephant in the parlor.  If there’s one thing we’ve learned over the existence of human life, it’s that abstinence is impossible.  Intercourse is simply a part of nature.  Without further adieu i bring you my Ode to Sluts:

Here’s my ode to the girls who are willing to put out after a drink and a smile. To the girls who rebel against society’s standards by discarding the chastity belt of our generation.  To the ladies who hand out love like candy on Halloween.

A tribute to the girls who to flaunt their promiscuity.  The girls who ignore the bitter remarks of the prudish naysayers and mother hens; envious of their sexual success.  To the sharp-minded but adventurous girls who see through a guy’s pathetic attempt at “game” and offers pity sex as consolation.

An homage to the girls that hold the antidote to cure the ever-present sausage fest.  To the girls that bring a glimpse of ecstasy to sex deprived souls and dry spell victims. To the women who possess the audacity to risk the no pants dance with a lucky stranger. Sluts, I salute you.

Cheers.

 


This is part 3 of my first date story.  Part 1 and 2 can be found here and here respectively. Read More »

At this point, after a series of text and aim messaging, I get the feeling Gina is a little weird.  Her constant questioning of my longing for her is just one of many cues that make up this impression.  For me, it was just a drunken encounter at the bar two weeks ago (part 1)Read More »

Throughout my high school career, the social interaction I had with female gender amounted to a grand total of zero.  I played Magic: The Gathering, tons of video games, and some tennis with my buddies.  In short, I was a huge geek.  Once college rolled around, I was blessed with a “friend with benefits” deal that I rode for about a year and a half before it inevitably ended in disaster.  From then on out, it was all about drunken hook ups.  Post college, I was completely lost.  Gone were the days of a large campus full of potential acquaintances and hook-up buddies.  At the ripe age of 22, it was time to enter the dating game. Read More »

$50 bucks for 5 minutes?  Worth it?  You betcha.  The highly anticipated Manny Pacquiao and Ricky Hatton fight that ended with a KO in the second round.

Most people would think, “Man this sucks, we just paid $50 bucks for a 5 minute fight.” I’m not gonna lie, at first I was a bit disappointed, but in retrospect, there is a lot to be learned from a blowout in any sport.  Only in a blowout, are you able to see something truly special; the culmination of all the training, experience, and talent converging into an apex of sheer domination.

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Hatton and Pacquiao were almost identical in all physical attributes; same weight, same age, and same height.  The only difference was the difference in skill.  Pacquiao proved that he was on a totally different level.  He completely outclassed Hatton with a flurry of devastating punches that left Hatton snoring on the canvas.  This speculation-destroying performance thoroughly convinced every witness of one true fact.  Manny Pacquiao was indeed the better man.  In this contest, we were blessed with a glimpse of Pacquiao’s combination of speed, finesse, and power running in perfect harmony.  It is hard to imagine anyone that could have handled what “the Pacman” had to deliver.

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I say bring on Mayweather.