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Monthly Archives: June 2009

There I was, plastered and dancing my pants off to a Michael Jackson single (it’s like he died or something) with an ambiguously cute girl.  She seems to be having a jolly good time when all of a sudden, it explodes without warning. Read More »


Time and time again, I have been told that alcohol is a crutch.  Oh Reginald, I disagree.  In fact, nothing can be further from the truth. Read More »

Imagine walking into a bar, going up to a couple dancing and saying “I got next.”  If your lucky, you might just win a trip to the hospital.  In pick-up basketball however, it is totally acceptable.

The entire concept of a place where total strangers meet and engage in an organized activity sounds a little strange, but nowhere else can you really meet new people with such ease.  Characters of all different sizes, shapes, languages, and beliefs can come and participate in this universal sport.  Even though you may only share a game or two with someone, basketball provides a glimpse into their personalities.

Here are some of them that I’ve encountered in my experience… Read More »

A conversation that I had with my friend [Jabroni] through aim.  People who know him will probably be able to guess who it is, others can only dream.

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On one vacation break, home from college, I went to “hang out” (get horribly schwasted) with some of my high school friends.  We ended up going to bar in our town. Read More »

I am tired of hearing someone described as a “nice” guy.  When I ask, “So what did you think of him?” I often get the “Oh hes a really nice guy,” response. Every time I get that response, my desire to punt a puppy into an active volcano dramatically increases.

Sometimes the alleged “nice guy” is a gargantuan douche bag.  Then I might hear something along the lines of “He makes bad first impressions, but once you get to know him he’s a really nice guy.”

Obviously, nobody is 100% evil.  If Satan actually existed, I would jump on his bandwagon and support his crusade for world domination (or any other aspirations).  I mean it’s Satan for Christ’s sake.  I know being a henchman may not be the most reputable of careers, but when Satan’s got your back, who’s gonna have the cojones to talk shit?  In addition I hear his henchmen receive some amazing benefits; a solid health care package plus dental.

But I digress.

Alpha-male jackasses, anti-social pricks, and even the guys who get new haircuts and pound bombs de la jagermeister variety are subject to be nice to somebody somewhere.  If someone comes off as a douche bag, there is no reason for me to get to know them.

Sure there are genuinely nice guys out there, but the thing is, niceness is more about effort than personality.  If nice is your defining quality, then please don’t talk to me.  Nice is synonymous with boring.

I only have one question for the next person that tells me someone is “nice.”

Who isn’t?