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Collecting free money every week is awesome right?  Hell yea it is.  This is not to say though, that it does not come with minor drawbacks.

I attended the mandatory seminar for all those who have been collecting unemployment.

It began with waiting on a long line, much like the DMV, just to confirm that you hold the proper paperwork.  Then you are stuffed into a tiny overcrowded room where getting to your seat was like navigating an 18-wheeler through New York City.

Little did we know the purpose of the seminar was to slowly kill us inside.  Picture something like death by wiffle ball bats.

An old lady comes in, hands out several packets of information and proceeds to slowly read every single page, word for word, in the most mundane and monotone voice humanly possible.  If her job was to inspire thoughts of stabbing yourself in the eye with a sharpie just to stir up some form of stimulation, then she had to be the all-star/MVP of the New York Labor Department.  I wasn’t even angry, I was actually amazed.  This lady was good.  Those higher ups sure know what they are doing.

Suffering through that seminar was a testament of mental willpower while challenging the threshold of mortal patience.  Having to endure two hours of the most passive and subtle torture was almost enough to make get up and walk to McDonald’s so I could pick up an application.

I feel like unemployment insurance is a terrible incentive to find work.  After all, if you are getting free money every week, why bother?



  1. To get more money and use it to make your own free money?

  2. as an umemployed teacher, money is an issue for me too. not to mention i’m MOH at a wedding this sat, bridesmaid at my sister’s wedding in effing Mexico and other educational shit that requires more moola. /debbie downer wah, wah, wah…

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