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No offense, but post World War II Germany must have been a land of opportunity.  By the time they drafted 16 year olds, the bratwurst-fest that plagued the country existed no more.  Welcome to a new and sexier Germany.  Hallooooo Krankenschwester.  Do thoughts like these make me a bad person? Yes.  Is it callous and insensitive? Yes.  Am i going to come up with a redeeming quality to save myself from looking like a dick? No.  Gutentag.

Drinking from a flask makes you look badass even if it is filled with juicy juice.

People have been preaching that better technology makes life easier for us humans.  I find the opposite to be true.  I believe that technology actually makes life harder.  For instance, many jobs have become obsolete.  What happened to all the milkmen, cracker jack toy stuffers, and the guys that screw on that tiny toothpaste cap?  I’ll tell you what.  Technology happened.  It happened all over their faces.  Additionally technology is keeping people alive longer.  Increases in births and declining mortality rates due to medical advances will eventually lead to overpopulation.  If people keep fucking and nobody is dying, life’s gonna be tough.  Less jobs + higher population = a harder life.

Getting high is cheaper than getting drunk.

I am anti-water pong.  People who substitute water for beer are whats wrong with society.  I cannot respect those that blatantly shit on the integrity of the game.  It is called Beer Pong for a reason.  The first and foremost is because you drink beer, not water.  By filling a designated beer cup with water, you are taking something fundamentally pure and infesting it with all that is evil.  This once sacred game becomes an abomination.  Water pong defies the spirit of being drunk and merry and I just cannot agree with it.

A man of true genius is the man who first coughed to hide his flatulence.



  1. that’s it!!!!!!!!! from now on anytime i go out, i’m ordering juice in a flask…instant coolness

  2. Who the frick replaces beer with water? Seriously. It undermines the entire idea of getting insanely shitfaced while competing for pongery-glory!

    I also agree with your idea of sexing-like-rabbits and increased population taking away jobs from us little folk. I’m still extremely bitter over not getting my teaching job.

  3. the good thing about more people in the world is that there will be more patients…$$$$$

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