The Art of Trash Talking

Some people aspire to become successful doctors, lawyers, and/or engineers.  Others do whatever it takes to get rich. These goals are highly respectable in their own right and allows them to be highly valued members of society.

Me?

My aspirations include becoming a world class trash talker.

Trash talking, shit talking, or jibber jabber (i made the last one up but it sounds fitting) is a highly underrated skill that evolves as we get older.  It takes on many forms; aggressive, passive, or even passive-aggressive.  Sometimes they are subtle, sometimes they are brash.  It can be tasteful as well as disgustingly vulgar.  It all depends on personal style and taste.  Whatever the case is, its ability to leave a person mentally distraught and broken cannot be denied.

Traces of its origins can be found on the playground where a simple “scaredy cat” taunt can cause a kid to break down and cry.  As we grow older, our shit talking becomes more sophisticated, often insulting one’s family members as well as questioning their sexuality.

Now trash talking may not improve society in any way and may very well cause one to question humanities integrity, but it does have its place in life.  I personally use it in basketball, dota, clubs, bars, and amongst friends.  These are only a few ideal places for trash talking to go down.  Trash talking provides one with a mental edge by causing an opponent to lose focus by injuring or damaging their psyche.  This intangible skill is often frowned upon due to its insensitivity and ignorance; however, if success is achieved, does the end not justify the means?

These are a few words of advice to trash talking that should be considered, lest you look the fool.

1. Always be prepared to back it up.
2. Targeting personal insecurities are the most effective.
3. Do not trash talk anyone you don’t think you could take in a fight.
4. The more creative the insult, the more devastating it is.
5. The key is to stay calm no matter what happens because this exchange of insults can be considered a game in itself.  Losing your cool is like a red flag; declaring to your opponent that he has struck a nerve.
6. If your opponent is ever able to leave you speechless, look them dead in the eye and respond with “well played.” This is a sign of respect, acknowledging a fellow trash talker and at the same time defusing the situation.