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Remember the pet rock? What a novel idea.  Who would’ve thought the public would be stupid enough to pay for a rock?  Most people would agree that the pet rock was a ridiculous scam that somehow fooled the minds of simpletons.

Silly rabbit, rocks are for idiots.

But let me ask you this.  What if its a shiny rock?  Oh snap, the game has changed.  Now you’re willing to pay more than 1 million double cheeseburgers for an 8 carat D VVS1.  What the deuce?

When comparing a shiny rock that can’t do anything useful to never being hungry again, the obvious choice seems ridiculously overwhelming, however, this is not how our society works.  Like kids with apple jacks, women just need that engagement ring for reasons unbeknownst to those sporting a penis.

This leads up me to my next point.  Women are brainwashed.  It is almost as if they are genetically programmed to swoon over glittering objects.  Even the most hip and coolest chick in town will tell you they don’t want a diamond.  But deep down in the depths of her soul, she yearns for a man to surprise her with that shimmering stone of “love.”

I want to take a moment to applaud De Beers, the company that monopolized the diamond industry.  They control the majority of diamond mines, thus enabling them to manipulate the circulation of the market.  It was their legendary marketing and promotions that branded “Diamonds are forever…” into the minds of every media exposed human being on this planet.  Some speculate that the phrase will last longer than any diamond itself.

This has to be the biggest scam in the history of marriage.  The yo-yo, the pet rock, and even POGs (don’t act like you didn’t own those circular cardboard cutouts of endless entertainment) eventually faded out as soon as people began catching on.  This engagement ring tradition has infected every society and woven itself into the fabric of all cultures.

I find it hilarious that many girls would opt for a big ring as opposed to a car.  I would love to see an engagement 42 inch plasma TV.

My biggest question for girls is why?

Are diamonds so sought after because it’s a status symbol that girls flaunt to be the envy of all their peers?  Do diamonds act as a piece of leverage that retains value so that when shit hits the fan, they can always cash it in times of dire necessity?  Is it some sort of tangible evidence that “shows how much he cares?” Could it just be the simple aesthetic beauty of the diamond?

I have a crazy feeling that it’s all of the above.

Outside of whatever reason there is for loving diamonds, I cordially invite you to disenchant your mind.  A diamond is a rock. Yep.  A rock. Behind whatever the diamond stands for or represents, at the end of the day, it is a rock that sits on your finger and does nothing.

Despite all that I have said, ladies will still go gaga over diamonds.  Those that are aware of the senselessness of it all, are powerless against the unbending will of society’s attachment to a fabricated tradition.

Now I’m not gonna lie, there is a good chance I will end up buying a diamond ring some day.  I will hate myself endlessly because by then, my balls will be gone, as well as my manhood.

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7 Comments

  1. What a coincidence, i was just talking to a friend who’s getting his fiancee a “huge rock.”
    But I agree with you. I don’t even know anyone who wears the engagement ring after they get married. And I remember hearing a story about some dude cut a woman’s finger off to get her diamond. Flaunt fail!

    But I honestly think i’d be OK, not getting a big blinging rock, but it’d still have to be something awesome. Like an engineered pet unicorn.

  2. I too will eventually fall victim to haing to buy a ridiculously expensive piece of Earth…but let me explain why this phenomenon happens to be…
    I want to say that this doesn’t neccessarily apply to all women around the world (so no responses about me being sexist)
    First of all, when it comes to valued possesions for women, the top 3 on the list are…1. jewlry 2.shoes/clothing/purses/accessories 3. make-up
    -when it comes to cars, sure, women like nice cars…but the majority can’t appreciate the down to Earth manly enginuity of a great car
    -out of the top 3 possesions that women adore…jewelry is the only thing that can’t (for the most part) go in and out of style…
    -clothing obviously goes in and out (i.e “ugg’s” will be made fun of soooo badly in 7 years)
    -make-up is too cheesy to give to your hopefuly bride to be…so a diamond ring is literally the only thing that will be forever…it has not and will not go out of style
    -no i am not a majority shareholder at debeers, but let’s face it, the only thing that is more recognized as something that will never go out of style other than a diamond ring is can of coca-cola…

  3. So what if you bought a piece of jewelry that looks exactly the same as a diamond, just as shiny and cut the same way, but its not officially a “diamond.” It will cost u only $200 as opposed to $10,000. Does it still count?

  4. Only if $200 is 3 months worth of your salary.

    • Guess who came up with that 3 months salary rule…You guessed it!

      DE beers

  5. While I understand your arguments that people place a high value on “rocks” that may not be deserved, I will use this time to remind you that a plasma tv will be outdated before diamonds will be. They are passed down from generation to generation. No one ever keeps grandma’s car or tv. Her ring? more likely.

    • Haha that is a excellent point rosediamonds. When I worked in the jewelry industry and started a blog promoting the business, I posed a similar argument.

      http://istealgems.wordpress.com/2008/09/25/jewelryluxury/

      But how I actually feel is that sentimental value can be placed on any object, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a ring.


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