Bienvenido a Miami part 1

Ahhhh vacation in Miami.  It gave me a chance to catch up with old friends, smoke some hooka, knock back a few cold brewskies, and as my friend [Dr. Doom] would say “RAGE!!”

Rage

-verb.

To party very intensely for a very long amount of time, keeping the quote in mind “anything worth doing is worth overdoing.”  Therefore doing whatever is possible to reach the level you want to be at.  Doesn’t matter whether it involves alcohol, nugs, acid, e or yay.

“Yo we raging tonight?”

“Fuck yea bro its wednesday.”

Apparently it’s a Cali thing.

We started by downing many shots of various liquors and headed out.  To our dismay, every club we tried to get into had daunting lines and bouncers bent on restricting penis.

After several failed attempts at trying to get into a real club we took a street promoter up on his offer of free shots and no cover for his bar.  When we walked in it was dead.  There were a few people playing pool and other stragglers and empty space.  We settled in and started drinking some more.

Anxious to rage, Dr. Doom proposed that we jump-start the night by talking to these three black girls perched at the bar.

Normally that would not have been a problem but you have to understand, these were no ordinary black girls.  These girls were “Big Mommas.”  Pound for pound, we were out numbered.  Luckily for us, we were very unsober.

We huddled up and appointed each person with their own designated Big Momma.  I broke out of the huddle with a false sense of confidence and approached my designated Big Momma, tapped her on the shoulder, and kindly asked her to dance.  She gave me a quick scan, rolled her eyes, and responded with an “Uh uh.” This rejection did, however, come with some consolation.

She said, “I’m just not drunk enough to dance.”

Good, it’s not me, it’s the lack of alcohol.

I told her that I was the same way when it came to dancing.  Despite being feeling really drunk, I bought her and all her friends shots so that we could get things cookin’.  After we downed the shots, my Big Momma still refused to dance.  However, Yums and Dr. Doom were able to get their Big Mommas to slide off their stools and boogie.

This was a huge shot to my ego.  I mean sure, my Big Momma probably ate guys like me as a light snack, but cmon, who doesn’t like to play with their food?

Defeated, I walked back to my friends who were jumping up and down releasing all the pent up energy from our pre-game.  I sat down next to Balls-to-the-walls and saw him eye-fucking the shit out of these two Asian girls sitting at the bar.  Shortly after, he grabbed me and said, “Lets go.”

Why the hell not?

We walked up to them and said hello.  I don’t recall details of how they shut us down, but they did so in a comprehensive and almost pretentious fashion.

In my mind, it was game over.  It was “on to the next one” as the late Shawn Corey Carter would say.  But one thing I’ve learned from hanging out with Balls-to-the-walls is that there is no game over.  He plugs in game genie and gives himself infinite lives.

We gave ourselves a short respite so we joined in the Big Momma festivities with our friends who were currently having a blast.  One of the Big Mommas seemed to be really getting into it with my friend [Dance Machine] and Dance Machine was happy to oblige.

After a couple minutes of rest, Balls-to-the-walls nudged me and I could tell by the look in his eyes what he wanted to give the two Asian girls another shot.  So We got up and walked back over to the two bitches ladies…to be continued in part 2.

***note*** due to the potentially embarrassing nature of these images, they have been tastefully censored to preserve anonymity 😛