Pick-up basketball personalities

Imagine walking into a bar, going up to a couple dancing and saying “I got next.”  If your lucky, you might just win a trip to the hospital.  In pick-up basketball however, it is totally acceptable.

The entire concept of a place where total strangers meet and engage in an organized activity sounds a little strange, but nowhere else can you really meet new people with such ease.  Characters of all different sizes, shapes, languages, and beliefs can come and participate in this universal sport.  Even though you may only share a game or two with someone, basketball provides a glimpse into their personalities.

Here are some of them that I’ve encountered in my experience…

Pacquiao vs. Hatton — the beauty of the blowout

$50 bucks for 5 minutes?  Worth it?  You betcha.  The highly anticipated Manny Pacquiao and Ricky Hatton fight that ended with a KO in the second round.

Most people would think, “Man this sucks, we just paid $50 bucks for a 5 minute fight.” I’m not gonna lie, at first I was a bit disappointed, but in retrospect, there is a lot to be learned from a blowout in any sport.  Only in a blowout, are you able to see something truly special; the culmination of all the training, experience, and talent converging into an apex of sheer domination.

Hatton and Pacquiao were almost identical in all physical attributes; same weight, same age, and same height.  The only difference was the difference in skill.  Pacquiao proved that he was on a totally different level.  He completely outclassed Hatton with a flurry of devastating punches that left Hatton snoring on the canvas.  This speculation-destroying performance thoroughly convinced every witness of one true fact.  Manny Pacquiao was indeed the better man.  In this contest, we were blessed with a glimpse of Pacquiao’s combination of speed, finesse, and power running in perfect harmony.  It is hard to imagine anyone that could have handled what “the Pacman” had to deliver.

I say bring on Mayweather.

Asian basketball and arm candy

I’ve been playing basketball for years now and I’ve noticed a common trend that pertain mostly to Asian basketball players.  Here’s the scenerio:

The guy will come to play basketball with his girlfriend tagging along like an accessory.  Then without any introduction he will proceed to greet the guys and start.  The other guys will feel awkward around his girlfriend who has yet to speak, and abstain from any acknowledgment of her existence.  She will then continue to stand along the sidelines doing her best impression of Helen Keller.

Sound familiar?

Is it just me, or doesn’t anyone think that it’s dumb and pointless to bring your girlfriend to your basketball games?  If I had a girlfriend I wouldn’t bring her upstairs to my room and make her watch me play DOTA unless she wanted to.  Most of the time the girlfriend just stands/sits around looking bored and waiting for the game to end.  Now I may be out of my element, but chances are those girlfriends are not there because of their undying love for basketball.  Instead they are probably there because you asked them to go.  Personally I would feel guilty asking anyone to watch me do anything unless they could participate or had a genuine interest in it.

To each their own…

Hajime no Ippo

I wouldn’t necessarily consider myself an anime dork, but I must admit I do dabble…quite a bit.  In any case, of all the series I have viewed, Hajime no Ippo is by far my favorite.  This particular anime is about boxing.

I used to think boxing was a sport where two knuckleheads enter a square ring and attempt to bludgeon each other into unconsciousness.  If you know nothing about boxing, you probably share a similar view.  Ippo opened my eyes to this elegant sport.  Instead of a match of brutality, boxing became a dance; positioned face to face, measuring distance, following a lead, and reacting to each movement with finesse.  I started to think of boxing as an art form.  The syncing of speed, timing, and balance had me in aw.  Throw in a couple of intangibles such as personal philosophy and will power, and boxing ends up being something much greater than a mere fight.  It becomes a test of perseverance.

I was so enlightened by the gracefulness of the “sweet science” that I decided to try it out for a year.  It earned me quite a few bloody noses.  Boxing was way more painful than I had imagined.  It allowed me really appreciate the training professional fighters had to endure for them to compete.

*On a different note, the humor in this anime is absolutely killer.  I die laughing from their fillers as they are completely ridonkadonk.

The Art of Trash Talking

Some people aspire to become successful doctors, lawyers, and/or engineers.  Others do whatever it takes to get rich. These goals are highly respectable in their own right and allows them to be highly valued members of society.

Me?

My aspirations include becoming a world class trash talker.

Trash talking, shit talking, or jibber jabber (i made the last one up but it sounds fitting) is a highly underrated skill that evolves as we get older.  It takes on many forms; aggressive, passive, or even passive-aggressive.  Sometimes they are subtle, sometimes they are brash.  It can be tasteful as well as disgustingly vulgar.  It all depends on personal style and taste.  Whatever the case is, its ability to leave a person mentally distraught and broken cannot be denied.

Traces of its origins can be found on the playground where a simple “scaredy cat” taunt can cause a kid to break down and cry.  As we grow older, our shit talking becomes more sophisticated, often insulting one’s family members as well as questioning their sexuality.

Now trash talking may not improve society in any way and may very well cause one to question humanities integrity, but it does have its place in life.  I personally use it in basketball, dota, clubs, bars, and amongst friends.  These are only a few ideal places for trash talking to go down.  Trash talking provides one with a mental edge by causing an opponent to lose focus by injuring or damaging their psyche.  This intangible skill is often frowned upon due to its insensitivity and ignorance; however, if success is achieved, does the end not justify the means?

These are a few words of advice to trash talking that should be considered, lest you look the fool.

1. Always be prepared to back it up.
2. Targeting personal insecurities are the most effective.
3. Do not trash talk anyone you don’t think you could take in a fight.
4. The more creative the insult, the more devastating it is.
5. The key is to stay calm no matter what happens because this exchange of insults can be considered a game in itself.  Losing your cool is like a red flag; declaring to your opponent that he has struck a nerve.
6. If your opponent is ever able to leave you speechless, look them dead in the eye and respond with “well played.” This is a sign of respect, acknowledging a fellow trash talker and at the same time defusing the situation.

Binghamton Basketball Update

First year in the Big Dance.  First round Duke.  First time I felt any sense of pride in my school.

I have lost all semblance of respect for the Bearcats.  Duke won by 24 points, so not only did they lose to the spread costing me 20 bucks, but at the same time embarrassed themselves on national TV.  Way to go Binghamton.  Yea I understand they were nervous, who wouldn’t be?  Nervousness should not be an excuse to bend over and spread them cheeks.  Binghamton’s little spoon performance was so terrible they decided to switch to the VCU/UCLA game after the first 5 minutes.  Not only did the Bearcats play horrible defense, but they caught passes with the grace of Lenny trying to pet a bunny.

To all those Bing alumni that think “oh 24 points isn’t bad, the spread was 21 so really they lost by 3.“ I only have one thing to say to that.  FOR SHAME.

Any game where a team wins by double digits is pretty much considered a blowout, but 24!?!?!  That is called losing your anal virginity.  My plan to drink until I was able to convince myself that Binghamton had won, backfired.  All that resulted from this scheme was Coach Mike Krzysomethingski  started to look like bizarro Steve Carell and for some strange reason the Duke cheerleaders insisted on keeping their clothes on… (what was that about?)

My head hurts.

Binghamton Basketball

First year in the Big Dance.  First round Duke.  First time I felt any sense of pride in my school.

18:1 odds. 21 point spread.  any takers?

Love & Basketball…and Dota

It has come to my attention that there is an uncanny resemblance between two of my favorite things: Basketball and Dota.

One is a sport that has been played for decades while another is an online video game that is spawned off Warcraft 3.  The glaring initial difference may cause one to think that these two hobbies are worlds apart but when you get to the core of each game, they are one in the same.  Preaching this similarity for a while, I decided to take upon the initiative to write about it.

1. Teams

Let’s start with the obvious.  Right off the bat, team play starts with 5 on 5 both in Dota and in basketball.  There can be variations of the numbers (ex. 3v3), but the max available roster spots for one team is 5.

2. Player Roles

Roles are an imperative factor in each game.  In basketball, you have your scorer, your defender, your rebounder, shot blocker, etc.  while dota has its own set of skills that each player may possess such as ganker, carry, initiator, stunner etc.  Of course in both there are overlapping skills and roles but you get the gist.  Usually a good team is synced so that each player plays to their strengths such allowing the best shooter to take the shots or allowing your carry to farm.

3. Philosophy

Different philosophies will always exist.  The “right” way to play team ball or the “right” way to gank.  There are so many theories all aimed for the same result: victory.  There is nothing more fun than to come up with a winning strategy, execute it, and obtain that coveted W.  Beware of conflicting philosophies.  This clash may ruin your team chemistry and being on the same page is essential for any team.

4. Noobs

Noobs and newbs will both exist as long as there are people drawn to each game.  There will always be those incorrigible “black holes” in basketball (once you throw it in there it never comes out) as well as “feeders” (people who constantly die from negligence).  These people shall be referred to as NOOBS because they suffer from ignorance as opposed to Newbs whose only sin is lack of experience.

5. Statistics

The only statistical category they share is the assist which is common in many sports.  The similarities in statistics lies in the fact that they are self serving and can lead to hurting the team.  There are openings for greed and this greedisnotgood.  In basketball, fighting for boards instead of boxing out will cause your team many turnovers as well as giving up offensive boards.  Similarly in Dota, fighting over a kill means that each person will save their nukes/skills for the final blow and potentially allowing an opponent to get away or worse wasting the more powerful spells unnecessarily on a single opponent.  In addition KSing will make your teammates bitter.

6. Trash Talk

Trash talking is apparent in both games and can be a useful tool for getting under your opponent’s skin and in their heads.  I am a huge fan of this tactic although I try and keep it tasteful and effective as opposed to acting semi-retarded.  The difference in the level of trash talking in Dota is astronomical compared to basketball due to the anonymity of the internet.  Thus allowing internet users more freedom to speak out and spew out whatever garbage they please.  This is where I favor basketball because the same type of behavior may earn you an early dental and/or optometry appointment.

7. Competition

Pickup games as well as leagues.  There is always a game to be played, whether if its with your friends or with complete strangers in a “pub.”  Basketball and Dota both provide sociable conditions in which communication with your teammates is of utmost importance.  Both games have recreational to competitive leagues.

VS.  

“The Butcher” Pudge VS. “Big Baby” Glen Davis…who wins?

Candace Parker is hot

I know that Candace Parker is 6’4 and 175 lbs and probably can shoulder press me over her head, but she is still hot and i would love to father her children.  Who doesn’t want to climb up a woman to make love?  Given that I am a 5’10 skinny asian boy that recently went on his first date, she would probably dominate me in bed.  Well as you know, everybody loves an aggressive girl.  Studies have shown that 50% of the time 100% of guys love aggressive girls.  I feel that girls should exploit this and become as aggressive as possible, thus fulfilling my potential to get laid.  Maybe if girls were more aggressive they would be winning the McDonald’s All-American dunk contest with their “eyes closed.”

hot

When it comes to celebrity girls, I usually understand that I don’t have a chance, BUT with Candace I feel I have a legitimate shot.  After all she is marrying Sheldon “the blow-fish” Williams.

lucky

The contrast makes me want to claw my eyes out.  On another note, I guarantee that other players tell Anthony Parker they want to bang his sister when they are drunk.

Candace Parker Dota comparison: Drow Ranger

• lethal and hot in a dark and disturbingly weird way
• has the potential to carry
• has both agility and range

For those of you who do not understand, Dota is a video game that is similar to basketball.